It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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