South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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