imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
