angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
