I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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