he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
