apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
