thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We got so high we made milksteak
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
