Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
