Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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