I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
