i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
