I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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