just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
