I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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