im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
