i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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