So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
