fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
