he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
