Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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