Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
do herpes really smell.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am one with the molecules
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
