I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
