I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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