I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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