please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
