just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
