Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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