Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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