just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize