Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
