I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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