I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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