Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
