So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I understand Curling. That high.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
