I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
