Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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