Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
