I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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