is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
