i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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