I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
