just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
