My friends, they love my intelligence
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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