omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
