I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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