Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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