She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
