I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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