I need help removing her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
