No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
