you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
