I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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