2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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