kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
3 2 1 whiskey
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
