I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize