sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
