good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
