Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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