Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize