He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
