If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Welp...herpes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
