Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
that may or may not have been my penis.
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