i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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