remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
