so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
