my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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