a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
