There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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