How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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