I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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