my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
