Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
