Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
