That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
