Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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