Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's like a pop up book from hell.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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