shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Boobs are out for the taking
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize