she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Still dying that you shit outside
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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