Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please come you make the beer taste better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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