Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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