im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
