At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
