Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
