i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
