I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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