Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize