I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
