you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
