I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
